Without You

I just wanted one more day.

The death rattle came long before you had given up and left. My stomach churns, heartbreak. Retracing my steps. A reminder, unearth labored breath, fusing trembling flesh so I will never forget. Shed skin blanketing the hospital floor. Evolve. Relent. Give in. Until the new universe is yours. Milky skin, ashen and adrift. When the deed is done, impermanence. Gnawing as weeds, overgrown path. Where our spoils rotted in full view. Pleasantries, faded voices of your past, cleaved from the parched sun. Dissipates in the window, distant, where you started from. When in the throws of eternal youth, bodies fuse, ember limbs become one, everything goes dark. You slip away.

I won’t be the same without you.

Memorial

Wanted to get a Starbs for you there,
at the end, it was just decaf.
I served it to you as best I could,
knowing it wasn’t what you liked.
Ice cream, chocolate syrup in tow,
hope you know, the small world you disowned
won’t be how you’re remembered.
Beyond the stars, coffee flowing freely,
just like you.
Hershey’s Dark Special and salad bars,
trips to Myrtle, your parade of new cars.
The Navy day stories, for hours and hours.
Those memories are what’s important to me.
Go on dad, You’re Free.

I have this photo of you,
Jen and me sitting at a resort,
somewhere picturesque.
Some place so far from here.
Indelibly etched.
You’re both gone now,
a solemn but honest epilogue.
I’ll remember that frozen moment.
It’s who we really are.

I know the truth.
Memories never fade.
They’re forever.

Loner

I never expected my 40’s to be so lonely.

Crippling, leaning against the oldest tree in my neighborhood.

A home I don’t recognize. One I could care less about.

I never thought aging grace would be replaced, by illusions envisioned as a young boy. Standing still. Screaming out. Within four walls. Lost.

I’m still a kid, paralyzed with the potential, the promise of fulfillment. The allusion of it all. After image, mirrors the fall. Slowest decline of my faltering heart.

Seething. Fixated. Lost.

I never expected to feel so alone. Now I know it’s a long, long road.

With such a long way to go.

Scarecrows

Scarecrows in the field
Harsh winds blow, a slow reveal
cover of night, time stand still.
Crows wait to pick the bones
Drifting, into this place unkown
srape whatever’s left of me…

Feel the air outside,
cauterize, breath freezes in the air
Please remind me I’m still here.
Lost within the sheets
Our hands touched, you let go of me
left me a ghost, I can’t hold
The room grows cold

Innocence, looked so easy
From up here
Don’t hurry this away
I get the sense, you remember
The way it was,
how you felt back then
Do you remember what we had?
I do… I do

Pile of bill’s, fall to the floor
Craving childhood like never before
Lightning escaped so long ago..
If you’re naive, I’ll resist
The temptation of saying it
Don’t think,
stuff it down inside

Swirling

Snow entwined, white beads from the sky, swirling, swirling into whisps undertoe.
Traipse through, wonderland
disappear into hush of winter
throes, distant woes.
Compassion, amidst
this lonely snow globe.
Stalled for a moment,
from sad world, slurred words,
chaos, middling in between.
Watching each flake’s
lonely journey
last breath.
Melt back
into the
earth.

Awakening

I wanna hold you like a child, when we were young
Damn kid, you’re old beyond your years
A space in time, we will find
the light unearthed in all we held onto.
The soul of the machine
somewhere inside of you.

Try Again

Chemicals divide
Heart from the mind
I’ll split the difference
Find you waiting inside

Affect me
Disinfecting
Last traces
Of society

You’ll let me down again

I’ll forgive
Least of all
We can say
We tried

From the core
To the earth
Futures
Die

Quick as they’re born
Quicker than lore
Dead to the world

Least we can say
We tried
As if no one hears
Holding close
Our fears
Chemicals divide
Heart and the mind

Until there’s nobody left to find.

Tyrant

Im done with you now,
we must part ways.
A year of endless tirades,
newly enslaved, 200k graves.
Skeletal remains,
a tired populace
stripped of anything sane.
Surging in their veins,
where we fight in vain.
Felt in the marrow,
the soul of your DNA.

Anguished through it all.

Tyrants, doing what they do
with no regard for you.
Leave them here,
the gallows await.

Taking up the good fight,
against an endless stream of hate.

Burgeoning sunlight,
brandishing new hope.

Fool’s Gold

Mercurial fool, concrete boots offshore dive, awaiting the bottom, restless sea floor. Thrash until last bubble floats. Pockets of air, crystallize on hulls of errant boats. Unknowing of the treasure, lost souls below.

Exhaust

In a yearbook, how you’ve changed. darkness clouds, as friends evade.

Protect the view, back of the room
no one remembers your name,
or who you were, or who you are (phantom limb hangs on)
Perception never felt so insincere.

You’re so helpless and faceless,
alone in the crowd, fade away,
fade until… there’s only fumes.

Inside my silence, of the lifeless few. Sunshine is so overrated.
They move faster than you
all the lost, forgotten memories.
Escape the light, embrace it,
chasing that first high.
Perception never felt so insincere.

You’re so helpless and faceless,
alone in the crowd, fade away,
fade until… there’s only fumes.