Fear of Falling (13th & Chestnut)

I am a sunbeam- a laser beam, the terror stream
Relentless and unborn
Ripped the cap of too many Olde E’s
Stripped the sidewalk, battle worn, re-born (again)
so I can tear myself apart
“You don’t have the guts” she said,
far too gone to start
maimed, and pulled back from the ledge
where I saw my roommates and good friends teeter on the verge, feet across the edge
foolish youth and the sad things we dread.

Me, peering from the scourge
too many memories, not so fond
(A learning process to just hold on)
Long enough to pull me apart and leave me there
crouched in the background, my idle mind
with the empty bottle, the soul to purge,
what was left to keep- what’s yours is yours, what’s yours is mine
The nearest life bleeding and new life, new breathe found
and the cold winter air.
I promised myself that would BE THE LAST TIME!

I don’t want either of you to die, plummet nine stories below.
So I’ll hold you up in mind, my memory careening, inaction;
left on the ledge, afraid to leave
equally terrified to live.

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Aliens Discover Intelligent Life

I’ve breached the Earth’s atmosphere
how I wish I wore clean underwear.
Sorry, mom.
Spacemen circle around me,
“what a strange oddity we have here” they’d say.
He has every opportunity in the world,
they would think to themselves as they continued on with my alien lobotomy.
I hope I signed a waiver.

Finally I can give back.
Finally someone who understands.
Martians aren’t that bad. I’ll swap dispositions
You’d be pissed too if your were a little green man.

I’m glad that somebody got it right.
Maybe I should pay them instead of my shrink.
I’d feel bad if he couldn’t gas up his yacht
and sail off to some island like you see on reality shows
where men & women pretend to give a shit while mugging for the camera.
There is no award for vanity.
15 minutes reduced to 15 seconds between commercial breaks
and some exotic venereal disease.
‘Every opportunity to destroy yourself’
Just give it to me straight, Doc.
I can’t handle it- but I’ll lie to save us all some grief.

Aliens should open up their heads to see what makes them tick.
Vanity trumps insanity every time.

The last man on Earth

I wasn’t meant to feel good today.

That may have been a few days ago. Memories blur… I forget what you look like by now.

Maybe I felt I had value earlier today- serviceable, existing.

But it only takes one leak, one dip under the rising tide and a pissed off sea,
too rampant to care.

Constant trepidation and I can’t figure this out.
There are no open sores, just recoil
and wait for the next wave.

I sink and sink, deeper and deeper and this is the only outlet I have right now.

Or I’m just thinking out loud to myself.

I wasn’t meant to feel good today.

I love You

Please know that I never stopped loving you,
I just forgot how.

Forgive me for making our life sit in the backseat
while I took it on a joyride.
Eventually running out of gas.

I felt so empty without you.

Hurt upon the shoreline
breaking at the rocks- like hearts.
Two people who are not quite done with each other.

Take time to think of us, how we were-
the potential for greater things.
Binding warmth, glued to skin, beating of souls
hearts in 6/8 time- waltzing in the same
direction.
No longer stumbling on each other’s toes.
Closeness as a rule
and not a lost cause.

I feel empty without you…

Sample Size

Jango Fett, your head-
separated, shoulder length.
So much for when it mattered.
Plot, solution, setting-
character left you for dead.
What happens if you had lived?

Baby’s breath, illusions of a child.
The screaming kept me up at night.
Long nights, Resident Evil-
like I’d win that fight.
Gun metal grey, laser sights & whey,
muscle and good looks
exchanged for the light of day.

Long pre-dawn nap, insomnia
cancelled out.
Tonight, do it all over again
No doubt.
NO end in Sight.