Belong.

You held me close, said don’t let go and I fell into the arms of another

Skinned your knee, the rule of three, strike out the feelings of others

My mother concedes, press on the womb, but it feels so much more like a tomb

And I’ve escaped this alone.

 

My greatest fear, I’d keep you here, all you claimed was your freedom

I’m the same, selfish blame, my kids & the will to release them

Weeks spent between, swaddled here, amidst the loss of connection

Dreamt of you, and the chance to renew, do you still think of me too ?

And all you held in your hands, was never part of the plan. A page in the same book, no one but you and I understand— all that you hate, all that you love , blurring the lines just to make it up…and we made it up as we went along

I don’t belong.

Happy for you, but that’s a lie too, when you left me here to latch on

To someone new, no one like you, the potent lure of dependence

Smallness of self, the weight of the earth and each new passing day

From here, from my birth

No more protecting your worth

 

This will get easier with each passing day, I hold onto you until the memory fades…

 

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Distance

I’ve accumulated too much, and I want to strip it bare, but still, nowhere. What tickles my spine when the nerves in my fingertips go numb, and I‘m left here staring at blank pages waiting for the words to come. Or the answers, shouting orders so I don’t turn the psyche off and run.

I am inescapable, I am a throne to myself, my worst fears and enemies from foreign lands welcomed in by my own hand.

Staring at the clock hands, digitized, meeting unrealistic demands, to slow down and shut off, pushing the mountain closer to my feet, as the steep fall becomes dreadful. Attention to the distance, my footing as precarious as the unknown.

I fall, I fall. Until there’s only the breath left in the air. Acquiesce, all those who knew me here.

Swallowed up by the Earth

Is this how you imagined it, when you set out?

City streets, crossroads, seeking new faces.

They look the same, no longer strange, because everything has changed… Were there other plans to slip away?

And could you run, could you hide, or fathom an alternate life; with an ending that may have been written all along?

Its one hell of a ride. When it’s over, who decides? I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.

Just let go of the wheel.

Were there faces and names, broken engagements all written in flames, ashes trailing off in the sky. Sparing everyone else, to make them happy instead of yourself.

How well I play the victim.

What the Curtain Hides

I want you to save me. Gone for a moment, to live in eternity. Looking-glass-self. Become someone else.

Strange to see you here now. Wayward travelers spanning lost freedoms, now one with the world. Closing in.

Small enough to see the end.

Comparing how I felt. All of those precious moments competing at once. For a single moment.

You’ll forget me when I leave this place.

This curtain hides me well, drapes around my wrists, where they once became fists. Tired of the relentless beating of my own defects. Much softer around my neck.

Hidden until eternity comes.

 

 

 

I Get It

I get it why people get dogs, write break-up songs, I get it all.

I see why we fight, regardless of who’s right- how you feel.

Don’t we just pretend to

care?

Why it was never that simple.

I get that now.

I see the daylight rise while breathing out those we’ve lost.

I get it all.

Where the coffee pursed my lips, the mirage of October waiting in the wings.

And I get why we play dress up, trick or treat, lie to ourselves, lie to our friends.

I mistook our lies for friendship.

How expendable we are.

The beginning never resembles the end.

I almost forget why I came. And I don’t feel the same.

It breaks my heart to know what we left on the table.

Why we gave it away.

I get it, I get it, I get it all now.

Last Breath

Seeking that last breath
Fearing the worst
wasn’t what you thought It’d be
how the skin stretched
In the silence, was the last place you looked

All i ever wanted, no space left for rent in my mind
You say we were haunted
but I was the only one sticking around
()

And all we ever wanted
Just believe
And it’s real
If i had what i wanted
How would i know?
And would i care?
No one ever told me
The last breath, the only one that counts
Climbing the walls
Where the only way is down
The last breath
And the wreckage left behind
The remains that scatter the ground

My life In the real world

You want to see, just what you wanted to see
That won’t make things right
What you believe, when the whole world sold you out

Where i found u
The silence dissolves
What it took to break the calm
We were bound to
The moment we evolved
darkness becomes you