Everything

When it seems we don’t have enough.
When the sky engulfs the horizon.
When loss only throws shadows on our past.

Where my feet touched ground.
Where the city streets broke innocence.
Where everyday was everything.

What looked so precious from afar trapped behind curtains, behind blinds.
Perpetuating a state of grace, forgiving until you leave it all behind.

I am you.

Wasted (no more)

You can’t have me anymore
and whatever you took before
is no longer yours.

Porcelain, stroking the bathroom floor, looking up to a god I couldn’t love, much easier to ignore,
less respect for me,
only fog, hazy thoughts drug through dead end streets…
As if it could get any worse.
That was my last time, no more bile, sweat and terror from shakes, anxious, that tonight will be the same, and no one to remind-
no one there to save me, a used up life. Hated.
Wasted.

You can’t take my soul, this last stroke of light
Spirits moving in and out of me, but no bottle in sight.
The chance to prove them all right,
Or one last desperate chance, claw up from the bottom,
breaking free of darkness– the endless nights.
Left the the way we found them.

You can’t have me anymore, I picked up what was left,
off the floor, one more shot at this–
and I forgive myself.
Existing inside a new life, second sight
and a chance to be reborn.
Wasted no more…

You Play the Heroine for Me

The desert where you found me deserted and confounded
and living a life that made no sense.
The bums on the street had it right
what’s mine, once yours, so give it without a fight.
Whole years that seem to disappear
your only mindset, broken,
Please get me out of here.
In fact, it sucked to the bottom of the depths,
scalding blister and furnace the churning sand, out of my mind with
no respect,
For what we had, dead on arrival,
wasn’t mere survival–
It was a joke no one got.

Except you,
you picked me up, dusted off the powder and silica-
swept me off the path I journeyed.
Sleepy eyed and beaten to a pulp,
no sanctuary for those who had given up.
You can’t get back what you left
thank the fragments of brain matter
under swept,
seats of a ‘football’ game.. most call it soccer
and 0-0 means that nobody wins.
We’re all poor sports when were sporting each other, and whoring ourselves into a life that has too many variables.
Too many excuses to leave
and not enough to stay.

Fear of Falling (13th & Chestnut)

I am a sunbeam- a laser beam, the terror stream
Relentless and unborn
Ripped the cap of too many Olde E’s
Stripped the sidewalk, battle worn, re-born (again)
so I can tear myself apart
“You don’t have the guts” she said,
far too gone to start
maimed, and pulled back from the ledge
where I saw my roommates and good friends teeter on the verge, feet across the edge
foolish youth and the sad things we dread.

Me, peering from the scourge
too many memories, not so fond
(A learning process to just hold on)
Long enough to pull me apart and leave me there
crouched in the background, my idle mind
with the empty bottle, the soul to purge,
what was left to keep- what’s yours is yours, what’s yours is mine
The nearest life bleeding and new life, new breathe found
and the cold winter air.
I promised myself that would BE THE LAST TIME!

I don’t want either of you to die, plummet nine stories below.
So I’ll hold you up in mind, my memory careening, inaction;
left on the ledge, afraid to leave
equally terrified to live.